What happens in the forest

Sometimes you go wandering completely unprepared into the forest. Someone forgets a sleeping bag, someone else loses the water supply, and someone else, possibly you, pees their pants. It rains, its in the middle of the night and there's no tent and no trail.

You run into a bunch of guys who have all of those things including a fire and you invite yourselves into their group, end up bonding over a cup of hot chocolate and first aide experience. There's a Raccoon in the roof and you stay up til six in the morning talking about religion.

In summation none of it makes any sense at all.
But I think sometimes the most liberating experiences happen by very unexpected means. We try to pick apart the circumstances and the string of tender mercies that lead us into something inexplicable. In that process though we become so caught it the "how", we become blind to the true exquisite and breathtaking reality that was infused into the "what.


falling for the season

The days have begun to slip away with incredible pace. As a kid I felt everyday consisted of its own eternity, but somewhere between 8 and 18 eternities turned into hours, minutes and eventually moments. 

Being from st.george I never really UNDERSTOOD fall. I mean I understood the concept of it, but for some reason it never really cemented in my brain that outside of southern Utah it is an ACTUAL season that lasts for more than two weeks. It has its own array of colors and smells and temperatures that actually happen & I'm completely obsessed with it all. I'm constantly fighting the urge to ditch school and homework, and well really everything to take drives/walks up the canyon because I cannot get enough. Nor do I think I ever will.

The combination of spotify and autumn have renovated my life and suddenly pushing through 5 hours of chemistry is not only doable but almost enjoyable. There's 214 bones in my body and every one of which has fond feelings towards the rain that has graced Provo this week. Nothing alleviates stress like puddle jumping in your nice clothes, and nothing eases the anxiety of waking up late like hot chocolate. I've never been so satisfied with sleep stained eyes or loved myself more for my natural inclination towards wearing yoga pants/sweats everyday.

We sometimes get so caught up in check lists and things that need to get done that we forget to look for the good in what we are doing NOW. Its so easy to get distracted by good times that have past or good times we plan to have but we lose sight of the PRESENT good. Memorizing the functions of the body for 3 hours doesn't sound that great, but the feeling of satisfaction and joy once you've successfully finished is more incredibly fulfilling than you imagined. Every part of now screams "I am worth it".


Donuts & Metaphorical Mountains

After striking up an agreement with childhood friends, I've re-entered the blogging sphere, and this time to stay.

I consider how drastically my life has changed the past few months, even the past couple weeks and I can't help but catch my breath and shake my head in disbelief at the hand of cards I have some how ended up with

I'm thoroughly convinced we have only see our true selves in fleeting glances and momentary glimpses throughout our childhood and adolescence. An inescapable part of those stages is being constantly surrounded by people who know you, or think they do, and our lives are overflowing with people who care and love us, but each holding their own idea and opinion of who we are and who we should be.

But how can you study your reflection in the mirror when your face is completely distorted by 18 years of accumulated compliments, advice, beliefs, criticism- all offering decisive and absolute opinions of what fabric your soul is stitched from?

And then you eventually leave. And whether you're 18 or 48 you begin to realize you actually have a say in who you are.

We become the characteristics we foster, the habits we establish, and the attitudes we harbor. Personality is usually regarded as a constant, an unchangeable and default setting that is determined by DNA, but the only constant in personality is the ability to change. We might have natural inclinations to be mean, to quickly pick at others flaws, but genetics does not supersede choice, it cannot undermine the Atonement.
I am moved by the reality that God not only loves me, but also trusts me. He has given me the resources to learn His word, His will, and personal agency that I might act on the wisdom of the spirit. He will never force me to choose good, to do good, but gives me infinite opportunities to become.